by J. M. Wise
No really—
I swear this one’s true. Okay?
I was at work, right,
done cleaning and went to the office
Boss standing there, supervisor too.
Code 100 gets called,
and that’s when someone’s dead
like in the facility and we have to
find them
and restart their heart or whatever
Boss leaves to go save a life
and I start talking to my supervisor, ‘cause,
Apparently
this happens all the time
Someone just goes to work
and then dies
now it’s our problem.
And we don’t get paid enough for this.
So at this one gym—
I think up north, you know
How freaky those northerners are—
And this guy
dies in the hot tub
and there was something
wrong with
maybe the circulation in the water
well anyways
Supervisor’s friend
found him the next day
And he was cooked through
(and I wonder if he was cooked so well his meat fell off the bones, cause you know, slow and low, right, huh?)
but the tub
kept pumping
so his body
yeah, his cooked body
was pumped into
the water supply
of that whole gym.
Yeah, I don’t
think he works there
anymore.
Guess the shock,
of finding a dead guy,
and then having to
clean him up,
up off the bottom of the tub,
was too much.
We don’t get paid enough for that.
I think
that’s also
how I want to die,
Cause warm water
and then
you give everyone
a protein shake
that they’ll never forget.
J. M. Wise is a biology senior at Texas A&M University, where she is the news editor for The Battalion, the campus newspaper. Outside of her journalistic writing, she enjoys writing poetry and setting small pastries on fire. She can be found on X at @j_m_wise25.
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