By Zoe Davis
REVENGE (Sweet)
Ingredients:
1 case of bitter infidelity.
Method:
Be inventive. Destroy them from the soul outwards. Finish with shards of a broken heart.
Best served cold.
Mad Scientist’s Putrinesca
If you are wanting a recipe for puttanesca, this is not it. Please turn to a different page of a different cookbook.
Required ingredients:
4 or more grave-fresh corpses - there will be enough for leftovers.
Method:
Sprinkle with nuts. As many as you’d like. Voila! You have created life.
Crank up to full power and await arrest.
Ensure you are truly insane by flying a kite through the roof of your castle to encourage a lightning strike. Congratulations. You have now invalidated your home insurance policy.
Check voltage reading is dramatically high. If it’s not in the red, they're staying dead. Write this down for later - it's good.
Laugh maniacally for they do not understand your genius.
Consider science. Monologue. Consider science again.
Assemble preassembled corpse. Attach electrodes while gloating at the inferiority of your peers’ intellectual capacity. It’s so small.
Turn on electricity.
Wait for a storm. If weather is clement, get Igor to violently urinate against a window while bashing two pan lids together to achieve similar effect.
Gently toss in nightmare riddled sleep.
Read instructions backwards.
Zoe Davis is an emerging writer and artist from Sheffield, England. She studied English Literature at Lancaster University and writes in a number of styles and genres, but especially enjoys writing to themes and trying new things. When she is not writing, Zoe can be found drawing, baking, and playing para ice hockey- just not at the same time. You can follow her on Twitter where she is always happy to have a virtual coffee and a chat.
Comments